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Thinking
INSIDE the Box
A
Candid Interview with Hillary Rodam Clinton
Dr.
Chuck Ormsby
Recently, presidential
hopeful Rodham-Clintons campaign staff accepted my
request for an interview with the candidate. The
interview was recorded, but, after the interview was
completed, my dog ate the tape. Shortly thereafter,
my dog died. His last words were, That was hard to
swallow. I couldnt have expressed it better.
This is my best recollection of the interview.
Interviewer: Good evening, Ms. Rodham.
Ms. Rodham: It was, until my handlers told me they had
accepted this interview with The Valley Patriot.
Interviewer: Why would that upset you? Dont you
like our newspaper?
Ms. Rodham: Of course I like it! Thats why Im
a subscriber. Unfortunately, everyone likes The Valley
Patriot. That is the problem.
Interviewer: We thank you for your support Ms. Rodham,
but how is that a problem?
Ms. Rodham: Well, with Tom Duggan exposing government
corruption and the failings of the mainstream media, and
other columnists insisting that individuals actually have
a right to their property and the right to defend
themselves, how do you expect me to pull the wool over
the voters eyes?
Interviewer: Why would you need to do that, Ms. Rodham?
Ms. Rodham: Because I need the voters to think
scratch that
I need the voters to believe that I
really care about them.
Interviewer: Why dont you want them to think
.
Ms. Rodham (interrupting): Because thinking is a waste of
their time and just makes my job more difficult. You know
what they say about trying to teach a pig to sing, dont
you? In any case, it is better for everyone if I just do
the thinking for the voters.
Interviewer: You mean so they will just vote for you and
you can be President?
Ms. Rodham: Well thats part of it, but only the
beginning.
Interviewer: Hows that?
Ms. Rodham: Look stupid
Can I call you that?
Interviewer: Sure, feel free.
Ms. Rodham (interrupting again): Just be quiet and
listen. Im very consistent on this matter. You see,
we cant run this country unless people follow
orders. Things just cant work by themselves you
know! You need to have someone deciding things and then
making damn sure that everybody does what we tell them.
Interviewer: But Adam Smith once wrote that
Ms. Rodham: Enough of that BS! What did he know. That was
over 200 years ago and, anyway, he was a foreigner.
Interviewer: So was Stalin
Ms. Rodham: Is that a trick question?
Interviewer: Actually, it wasnt a question. It was
a
Ms. Rodham: Is this an interview or an interrogation?
Interviewer (Ignoring the question): So, can you give me
some examples of where people need to just follow orders?
Ms. Rodham: Now youre talking my language! For
example, if someone feels sick and needs a doctors
care, we just cant have that person and the doctor
make arrangements on their own. Government forbid! That
would lead to chaos! We need regulations on which doctors
each patient can see, what de-grees they must have, how
much they charge, how much the patients pay depen-ding on
their income, when they pay, how much their employer
pays, who bills for the service, what health codes are
put on the form, who files the claim, the reports the
patients receive for tax purposes,
It takes a
village run by the government, you know, to make all this
work.
Interviewer (laughing nervously): Youre kidding?
Ms. Rodham: Watch yourself. The last time a man laughed
at me I kicked him in the
(Cell phone
rings)
Ms. Rodham: Hold on for a moment, my cell phone is
ringing. Hello Darling.
long pause ...
No, Ill be late. This interviewer is giving me a
hard time. No, shes not cute. In fact, its
not a she! ... That makes two of us, but I cant
talk about that now
.. I love you too darling.
Goodbye.
Interviewer: Was that Mr. Bill?
Ms. Rodham: You figure it out. OK, where were we?
Interviewer: We were talking about government run
healthcare.
Ms. Rodham: Well, you get the picture. Something as
complicated as healthcare needs to be fully regulated or
people wont know what to do and it wouldnt be
fair.
Interviewer: I suppose that goes for just about
everything from birth control, to wages, to retirement
planning
from womb to tomb as they say!
Ms. Rodham: You guys at The Valley Patriot sure are
sharp. Nothing gets by you!
Interviewer: OK, lets talk about education.
Ms. Rodham: Its for the children. Oh, sorry, it
just blurted out.
Interviewer: Must have been the E-word.
Ms. Rodham: You know I have the full endorsement of the
teachers unions and the government school administrators.
Interviewer: Is that because you love the children?
Ms. Rodham: Well, I guess youre not so sharp after
all. Look, you dont expect me to make every
itty-bitty decision about the schools by myself, do you?
I need some loyal bureaucrats to tell everybody else what
to do.
Interviewer: You wouldnt need to do that if there
were a lot of independent schools where people could
decide for themselves
Ms. Rodham (interrupting): There you go again! Were you
listening? Nobody decides but me
and my guys. If
people made their own decisions, there would be chaos.
Central planning - government planning - that is the wave
of the future.
Interviewer: So you dont support food stamps?
Ms. Rodham: Of course I do, Stupid. What gave you the
impression that I didnt?
Interviewer: Well, food stamps are a government guarantee
to the poor that they can go to the grocery store and use
the stamps like money to buy the food they need.
Ms. Rodham: So what?
Interviewer: Well, that means they get to decide where to
shop for food, when to shop, what food to buy, how much,
and so on. Food stamps are very much like the proposed
concept of Education Stamps, which would allow parents to
make similar decisions in education.
Ms. Rodham: So it was a trap! You tricked me! You think
youre a smart a**, dont you?
Interviewer: Just trying to make sense of your
opposition, Ms. Rodham.
Ms. Rodham: Well, Ill help you out. If the
government ran the grocery stores, Id be against
food stamps too. Well get to that in my third term.
Interviewer: But I thought the Constitution
Ms. Rodham: Dont be quaint! The Constitution? You
actually want to cite the Constitution! Listen, if I and
my party can ignore the Second, Ninth, and Tenth
Amendments to the Constitution, we sure as hell can
ignore that other Amendment!
Interviewer: That would be the 22nd Amendment, Ms.
Rodham. If you read it, you will find that it is very
specific! No person shall be elected to the office
of the President more than twice
Ms. Rodham: Spare me. So what isnt specific about
the Tenth Amendment? The powers not delegated to
the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by
it to the States, are reserved for the States
respectively, or to the people. Heck, we dont
reserve hardly anything for the states. We just tell them
what to do. Require seatbelts or lose federal high-way
money. Obey No Child Left Behind or lose federal
education funding. And you damn well better have enough
wheel chair ramps or well sue youre a** from
here to eternity. As for reserving any powers to the
people
well, you can just forget about that!
Interviewer: So now I understand why you dont want
the voters to think for themselves.
Ms. Rodham: Well, Stupid, that took long enough to sink
in. By the way, be careful about what you write. My
people are watching
Interviewer: Maybe they will learn something.
Ms. Rodham: Keep that up and well shut you
down right after we deal with that Limbaugh problem.
Interviewer: But the First Amendment
Ms. Rodham (getting up to leave and looking disgusted):
Dont you get it?
I think my dog got it. Apparently, it is lethal.
Dr. Ormsby is a member of the North Andover School
Committee. He is a graduate of Cornell and has a
doctorate from MIT. You can contact Dr. Ormsby via email:
ccormsby@comcast.net
*Send your questions comments to ValleyPatriot@aol.com
The November 2007
Edition of the Valley Patriot
The Valley Patriot is a Monthly
Publication.
All Contents (C) 2007, Valley Patriot, Inc.
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