Ask Dog Lady with Monica
Collins
Dear Dog Lady,
I finally have the opportunity to share
my life with a wonderful woman,
Stephanie. She’s pretty, kind, smart
 and claims to like dogs. She
just doesn’t want them in the bed
— or in the bedroom. Unfortunately,
this means Ruffles – my excitable
Afghan/poodle mix — has to find
somewhere else to sleep whenever
Stephanie stays over. Because Ruffles and
I have been sharing the covers for years
before I met Stephanie, I find it hard to
shut out the dog. Ruffles whines at the
bedroom door. I don’t want to be the
man in the middle. Help! ...Andy
Andy, be a wise Alpha. Remember, your
love for your dog is one of your most
appealing qualities. You must be patient
while pretty, kind, smart Stephanie gets
more familiar with Ruffles. Andy is her
top dog, not Ruffles. She’s not used
to snuggling with an animal — hmm,
other than you, dear pet.
As she spends more time with Ruffles, she
should become less ruffled when the dog
is allowed to hang out for short periods
in the bedroom while she is in residence.
Get an old blanket, put it on the floor
and make a nest for Ruffles — close
enough so the dog can feel a part of the
crowd, far enough away so Ruffles doesn’t
crowd Stephanie. Eventually, the three of
you will settle into a new social
hierarchy.
Dear Dog Lady,
At a recent dinner party, the hostess
allowed her dog to lick our plates after
we ate. She called it the “Lucy Lab
pre-rinse” and asked us to put our
plates on the floor while the Labrador
retriever licked them clean. I don’t
have a dog and am unused to such
unsanitary behavior. Is this customary?
...Dina
Dina, usually the plate licking practice
happens more discreetly. Your hostess
lacked proper judgment when she allowed
the pre-rinse to become part of the
party. Understandably, this display was
not the palate cleansing you had in mind.
Often dog keepers forget pet politesse.
They just assume everyone will think it
adorable when lovable Lucy, or whatever
dog, laps up the remnants of the salmon
remoulade, or whatever dish. Dog Lady has
been guilty of this and cringes when she
thinks of how it plays to the
uninitiated. Your letter provides a good
reminder that private rover rituals
should not be flaunted when company
comes.
Dear Dog Lady,
My dog, Zeus, watches TV intensely.
He likes cartoons, babies and other
animals (especially when those animals
“speak” to him). I like to take
Zeus on weekend drives in the country but
I noticed my dog did not enjoy the drives
as much as I did. Since then I have
installed a TV in the car so he has
something to do. Am I rotting his brain?
...Brendan
Brendan, talk about bendin’ to
the comfort and convenience of a dog. No
wonder your Zeus is the god of the
heavens. Dog Lady has rarely heard of
such indulgence, except for C-List
celebrities who tote around their
poochies in hobo bags and interior
designers with clients rich enough to
afford raffia dog beds from Italy.
Dogs have small brains, so rotting Zeus’
frontal lobe is not a big problem. If
your dog enjoys watching cartoons and
shout-outs from his beastie boys, go
ahead, although Dog Lady cannot imagine
dogs enjoy country drives any more than
toddlers in car seat lockdown. Make sure
you give your glazed TV hound regular
bathroom breaks and romps in fields of
green away from the automobile.
Dear Dog Lady,
We have a poodle, and she seems to
exhibit OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder) behavior. Is this normal? When
I brush my teeth, she flies up the stairs
to stand next to me, no matter where she
is or what she’s doing. This is just
one example of many.
We love our poodle, however I would never
get another one because I don’t want
a dog smarter than me (just kidding). In
the hierarchy of dog breed intelligence,
where do poodles rank? ...Bob
Bob, your letter caused Dog Lady to erupt
in a fit of giggles. Indeed, it sounds as
if your tooth fairy is a bit daffy. Take
heart because it is not a cause for worry
— unless your dog is hurting
herself, other dogs, or humans. Most dogs
have OCD. They are obsessive about their
people and their stuff. They are
compulsive about their people and their
stuff. Dog Lady’s darling is
possessed by a chewed-over frog whose
fading squeaker plays a slo-mo version of
“Jingle Bells.” With dogs, it’s
always something.
You are fortunate to live under the same
roof with an Einstein. Poodles are
considered way above average on the
canine intelligence scale. When your
dental assistant grabs your floss and
rigs up a cat’s cradle, don’t
be surprised.
Listen to “Ask Dog Lady, a radio
show about relationships, life, love and
. . . . dogs” on WCAP 980 AM every
Wednes-day from 1 to 3 p.m. You can call
in your questions. Or visit www.askdoglady.com
to read more and ask questions for the
column and radio.
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