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Thinking
Outside the Box
Dr. Chuck Ormsby
An Open Letter to Iranian
President Ahmadinejad
 In the
name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful …
I’m sorry my response to your letter of 29 November
has been delayed. I had to finish my Christmas shopping
and mail some care packages to America’s brave
troops who are risking their lives to protect innocent
Iraqis and Afghanis from a slew of maniacal Muslim
fanatics. Allahu Akbar!
Speaking of Christmas, I hope yours was peaceful and you
were not distracted by any nearby car bombings or the
screams of innocent hostages being beheaded. Allahu
Akbar!
You started your letter by speaking to the American
people directly since you hope to divide us and separate
us from our government with the long list of evils you
catalogued.
Mahmoud, you don’t know the half of it! I’ve
been detailing the evils of our government here in The
Valley Patriot for three years now. Unfortunately, I
haven’t had much luck changing things, so I’m
beginning to believe that I should enroll in one of your
desert training camps. Hey, I’m a physicist, so
maybe while I’m in Tehran, I can help you with your
“peaceful” nuclear program. You know, the
program that will help Iran “light up” the
Middle East.
Later in your letter you outlined all the things that the
Iranian government has in common with the American
people. In case you’ve forgotten, here is a passage
from your letter:
“Both our nations are God-fearing, truth-loving and
justice-seeking, and both seek dignity, respect and
perfection.
Both greatly value and readily embrace the promotion of
human ideals such as compassion, empathy, respect for the
rights of human beings, securing justice and equity, and
defending the innocent and the weak against oppressors
and bullies.
We are all inclined towards the good, and towards
extending a helping hand to one another, particularly to
those in need.
We all deplore injustice, the trampling of peoples’
rights and the intimidation and humiliation of human
beings.
We all detest darkness, deceit, lies and distortion, and
seek and admire salvation, enlightenment, sincerity and
honesty.”
Hey bro, you must be kidding. Truth and honesty, justice,
human rights, equity, protecting the innocent? Have you
been banging your forehead on the ground too hard? Nobody
is going to swallow that line … except maybe Rosie O’Donnell,
Barbra Streisand, Michael Moore, Howard Dean, John Kerry,
Nancy Pelosi, the New York Times, … OK, OK, so
maybe the “hate America” crowd will buy it.
Here at the offices of The Valley Patriot we like to
check the rhetoric against the record. So let’s take
these items one at a time.
Truth and Honesty. The holocaust never happened? Say
what?! Here is a passage taken from IRNA – the
Islamic Republic News Agency – your very own
government’s news agency:
Tehran, Dec 12, [IRNA] — Secretary General of
Int’l Congress to Support Palestinian Intifada,
Ali-Akbar Mohtashamipour, emphasizing need for survey and
research on Holocaust, said here Monday, “Results of
surveys so far show Holocaust is no more than a myth.”
Talk about deceit, lies and distortion! I suppose you
also think our moon landing was filmed in Nevada!
Justice. What did you think of the dose of Islamic
justice served up to Daniel Pearl? How about the 3000
victims of the 9/11 attacks? What about the thousands
more innocent victims of Islamic bombings in Israel,
Indonesia, Iraq, London, and Madrid? … just to name
a few. What justice do you offer writers, bloggers and
reporters who disagree with the actions of your
repressive government? I’m sure you offer them a
good dose of Islamic justice. Allahu Akbar!
Human Rights. Can Jews, Christians, Hindus or Buddists
practice their religion freely and openly in Iran? You
criticize Israel, yet Muslims can live, work, and pray in
Israel without fear. There are numerous mosques in the
U.S., Europe and Israel. How many synagogues
or Christian churches are there in Iran or any other
Islamic state in the Middle East?
Speaking of human rights, how about freedom of speech or
political action? Amnesty International recently reported
on the fate of one of your citizens who tried to exercise
his human rights:
“Human rights defender Reza Abbasi was sentenced to
one year’s imprisonment in mid-October: six months
for “insulting the Leader of the Islamic Republic of
Iran” and another six months for “propaganda
against the system.” He has been held in Zenjan
Central Prison since his arrest in June, and has spent at
least two months in solitary confinement. Reza Abbasi is
a founder member of an organization which has been active
in promoting democracy and human rights.”
So much for human rights.
Equity and Protecting the Innocent. Let’s see…
We’ve covered hostages being beheaded, innocents
being bombed, religious expression being crushed,
activists being imprisoned. What have we missed? Oh yes,
writers and cartoonists being condemned to death. And
outlawing little girls going to school. Then there’s
women being condemned to death by stoning for infidelity
or for being a victim of rape. Getting stoned to death
after being raped … that’s my idea of a bad
day! They won’t do that again! Allahu Akbar!
The Iraq Study Commission seems to think we should
negotiate with low-life thugs like you and your buddy
Bashar Al-Assad of the Peoples Democratic Islamic Tyranny
of Syria. I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we
have you take a walk in your own capital city without
your bodyguards? Or take a stroll in downtown Baghdad. I
have no doubt that you will be rewarded with just the
right amount of Islamic justice.
Speaking of Allah and Islamic justice, did you hear what
happened to Mohamed Atta when he arrived at the gates of
heaven? When he got there, Allah was nowhere to be seen
but, instead, George Washington appeared and punched Atta
square in the nose. After he fell to his knees, Thomas
Jefferson walked up and kicked him in the groin. James
Madison, James Monroe and Patrick Henry then started to
stomp on his head. When they were done, sixty-seven other
of America’s founding fathers took turns beating him
to a pulp. Finally, Allah showed up and Atta asked him
why he had lied about what he would get for killing all
those innocent Americans. “What do you mean,”
Allah said. “I didn’t lie! I told you, if you
carried out that terror attack, I would have you greeted
in heaven by 72 Virginians.”
Don’t worry Mahmoud, the vast majority of
Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindus, and Buddhists who
desire to live together peacefully in free and open
societies know that God, the Compassionate, the Merciful,
will take good care of you when your time comes. With a
little luck, we’ll have you for a few months in
Guantanamo first.
Allahu Akbar!
Dr. Ormsby is a member of the North Andover School
Committee. He is a graduate of Cornell and has a
doctorate from MIT. If you have any questions or
comments, you can contact Dr. Ormsby via email: ccormsby@comcast.net
*Send your questions
comments to ValleyPatriot@aol.com
The January 2007 Edition
of the Valley Patriot
The Valley Patriot is a Monthly
Publication.
All Contents (C) 2007, Valley Patriot, Inc.
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